


The 35th Birthday

by Altais4



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Age Difference, Awkward Sexual Situations, Comfort/Angst, First Time, Friendship, Happy Ending, Intimacy, Kissing, M/M, Sexual Inexperience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-04-04 03:15:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4123696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Altais4/pseuds/Altais4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin is turning 35 and he’s still a virgin. But fortunately Douglas and him have a deal... </p>
<p>Written for this prompt on the Cabin Pressure prompt meme:<br/>http://cabinpres-fic.dreamwidth.org/3282.html?thread=4421330 - cmt4421330</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt:  
> Martin's first time having sex with anyone.
> 
> It doesn't feel as good as he desperately wants it to. He tries to pretend to enjoy it, but naturally Douglas notices and stops.
> 
>  
> 
> Many thanks to Ianina for beta!!

Candles, crisps, some breadsticks and cheese – Douglas mentally went through his list as he arranged the little bowls on the coffee table. Martin had explicitly turned down an invitation to a more fancy dinner, had insisted that Douglas shouldn’t make a fuss. There had been a suggestive, little smile playing around his captain’s lips, an endearing blush flashing over his cheeks, as he reminded him that their ‘date’ wasn’t about eating. 

Douglas wasn’t fooled by this. It had been obvious that it had cost Martin all his willpower just to say as much. Admitting that he would be too nervous to eat when he was going to have sex for the very first time in his life. However much Douglas preferred to indulge in a fine meal before taking a partner to bed, he sensed that in this special case Martin’s wishes were paramount. 

He rummaged in a drawer for a box of matches and laid it out next to the candles before he fluffed up the pillows for the umpteenth time. At least the room looked good . . . welcoming. And hopefully a little cosy too, Douglas mused while he dimmed the light. He didn’t want to lay it on too thick. If dinner made Martin uncomfortable, so would a too seductive ambience. Douglas paused for a moment, thinking. Wine would be fine though, he decided, even if he couldn’t participate. It might help Martin relax, loosen him up a bit. Pleased with the idea, Douglas went to look for a bottle. 

The kitchen was in a state of mess, since he hadn’t been able to decide what to serve. Packets of nuts and crisps lay next to a large bowl of fruit and there was even a half opened package of salmon withering away on the counter. In the end Douglas had settled on a cheese tray, because it was something they enjoyed together on trips and Martin in particular seemed rather keen on the brie. Other than that, he now realised with a little pang, he didn’t know much about Martin’s preferences.

Well, that would definitely change tonight, Douglas thought warily. He picked a bottle of red wine and headed for the sink to fill a pitcher of water. When he looked out of the window, he got startled by the darkness outside. Douglas glanced at the kitchen clock, sucking in a breath. Damn! It was almost eight. In less than ten minutes Martin would be walking up this pathway. Abandoning the food altogether, Douglas snatched the wine and water and hurried back to the lounge. He had to admit he was nervous, much more than with other dates. 

They hadn’t talked this through in every detail, in fact they hadn’t talked much at all, but somehow Douglas had promised to take care of things tonight.

It left him rather shaky inside. Douglas didn’t let it on to a wider audience, but he felt somewhat rusty, especially for this. Apart from a few rebound shags when Helena had left, there hadn’t been much going on, and honestly he hadn’t believed he would try again. 

And now this . . . odd arrangement with Martin of all people. It wasn’t exactly charity, no, never charity with Martin. The man wouldn’t stand it. But it didn’t feel natural either. Douglas liked things to proceed, go with the flow, like Verity would say. But Martin was different, full of little boxes he could tick. Get your license, find a job, settle down . . . so in a twisted way this whole thing made sense.

Douglas put down the wine and the water with a clank. A box to tick, an itch to scratch, he grumbled. Where did he fit into the equation? But last week Martin had looked so hopeful when he’d reminded him of his upcoming birthday, of what they’d agreed on, and that he wanted to follow it through. Hopeful and very, very vulnerable. Which was the main reason why he’d agreed on it in the first place, Douglas concluded resignedly.

He shut the door to the lounge with a bit more force than strictly necessary and headed for the stairs. When he walked into the bedroom, he caught a whiff of cool air from the opened window. He halted, looking around. All seemed well. The bed was freshly made – he had changed the sheets first thing in the morning – and there were condoms and lube discreetly stashed in the bedside drawer. 

Everything looked perfectly chaste and innocent. 

Hard to believe that in an hour or so these sheets would be crumpled, the cushions scattered, and Martin lying writhing under him. Staring at his homely, familiar bed, Douglas got suddenly struck by the sheer enormity of what they were about to do. He staggered slightly, clutched a bedpost. Before, it all had been planning and preparing – conveniently blocking out the main thing. As if somehow he had always assumed that Martin would chicken out. 

Good Lord, loosing virginity at the age of 35. For the life of him Douglas couldn’t imagine how that might feel. And not with someone special, but with him of all people. With all his bragging and boasting, he guessed that Martin was under the delusion that his first officer was some kind of sex god. Even if Martin had never exactly seen him with someone else. No, it was all in good faith . . . . 

Douglas sighed heavily as he sank onto the freshly made bed, not caring about the crumpled duvet. Martin wasn’t completely wrong, was he? Douglas had had lots of sex in his live. Sex had always been . . . what? Fun. Well, something he loved to do anyway, and for a very long time now. 

His first time had been with 14, on a holiday. The girl had been one or two years older, but even at his young age Douglas had been rather self-confident and adventurous. Being with her (she obviously knew what she was doing) had been one of the most exciting things in his life. However, even more exciting than the deed itself, Douglas was honest enough to admit that, had been the fact that he was in the know. When other boys were still boasting, about magazines and such things, well . . . let’s say he had never had any trouble finding bed partners afterwards. 

The girls rather appreciated his experience – no dumb jokes and awkward fumbling from Douglas Richardson. So he couldn’t possibly understand how Martin felt. Even if he wanted to, he could not undo a life full of experience. What he could do, he realised now, was trying to make it good for him, like it hopefully had been good for all those girls, back then when it wasn’t about relationships, but rather about the ticking of boxes and having a good time. Yes, having a good time, that was something Douglas knew all about and what he could aim for. 

With renewed energy, he got up, straightened out the duvet, and quietly closed the window, ensuring that no cold draft was going to disturb their later encounter.


	2. Chapter 2

The doorbell rang. Five minutes past eight. Douglas leapt up from the sofa and rushed to the door. Martin was smiling at the top step, shirt and trousers freshly ironed, apparently unsure what to do with his hands. “H-Hello.” The clear blue eyes met his for an instant, before Martin shyly averted his gaze.

Summoning up an easy smile of his own, Douglas approached him and gathered Martin into a gentle hug. It wasn’t an overly romantic gesture – no kisses, much less on the lips – merely a grazing of cheeks. There would be sufficient time for other things later. “Happy Birthday, Captain!” 

“Th-Thank you, Douglas,” Martin answered, voice somewhat wobbly. 

Douglas held him a bit longer, not shying away from touch. His captain smelled good, of scented shower gel and aftershave. Obviously prepared. The thought made Douglas unexpectedly dizzy. 

Quickly he let go and busied himself with the jacket, Martin patiently waiting next to him, darting furtive glances around the hall. It occurred to Douglas that, apart from last years ill-fated incident with the brown sauce, he had never actually asked Martin to come over. Well, that couldn’t be helped, Douglas reflected, as he ushered the man into the lounge where candles and food were waiting. 

Martin’s eyes went wide at the sight of the wine and the carefully arranged bowls and platters. He perched on the edge of the sofa, curiously examining the tasty tidbits spread out in front of him. “Oh, a cheese tray . . . h-how did you know? Well-chosen.”

“Well, you seem to like it on flights,” Douglas retorted modestly. ”And tonight, unlike then, you’ll get the first pick. See . . . this evening it’s all for you.”

Douglas chuckled at Martin’s blush, secretly pleased with the effect of his preparations. He opened the bottle of wine with a plop and listened to the soft glugging as he poured a generous amount. Meanwhile Martin picked some brie and gingerly placed it on a cracker. Contented so far, Douglas quietly joined him on the sofa and, settling back, let him enjoy the food.

It seemed to have been the right decision. When no further innuendo came, Martin gradually began to unbend, nibbling his cheese and sipping the wine, even talking a bit. Apparently he had been in a rush. There had been a van job this morning and also phone calls from the family, congratulating on his birthday. Douglas was hit by a sudden wave of guilt, since he didn’t have a present of his own, even though he’d just conformed to Martin’s wishes. Wouldn’t it have been much more natural to get something special for his lover?

Martin wasn’t his lover, though, he chided himself, and he – Douglas – was going to be the birthday present, even if he came without decorations. An unlikely gift that Martin seemed oddly hesitant to unwrap, if all his rapid talking was anything to go by . . . . 

Douglas leaned back, closing his eyes. The actual words were blurring, while Martin was getting more and more caught up in the conversation. Another 15 minutes and the spark might be gone, their date resolving quietly into a chat about aviation. But Douglas knew he owed his young captain to make this happen. There were some things one simply had to get rid off – like a plaster that had outlived its usefulness, the little wound long gone – and being a virgin at 35 might be just that.

Not getting sexually involved . . . all fine if you wished to, Douglas was very aware of that. Verity loved to lecture him on the topic. But call it a gut feeling in this case it just didn’t ring true. Douglas turned his head a fraction, opened his eyes. Martin was still talking, now glancing shyly at him, his cheeks glowing softly in the candlelight. No, this wasn’t the demeanour of someone truly bored or uncomfortable. However, if anything was about to happen tonight, the man needed to shut up. 

Ignoring the flutter in his stomach, Douglas leaned in and grazed Martin’s lips with the suggestion of a kiss.

“Ah–” Martin stopped mid-word, frozen. His eyes were blinking rapidly, as if he were only just remembering why he was here. Putting on a show. Well, some bravado might not be bad, Douglas reckoned. At the same time, he noticed his captain’s hands hovering nervously nearby, rather shy of making contact, but appearing all the more needy for their hesitance. 

Douglas took this as a yes. 

He pressed forward and enveloped Martin’s slender form in his arms. He dropped a light kiss on the smooth skin at the corner of his mouth, then another one full of the lips. Shakily Martin slid closer, put his arms around him. Good, Douglas liked that. He cocked his head and, humming softly, leaned in to brush the slightly chafed lips with his tongue, gently coaxing them open. 

“Y-yes.” Shivering Martin snuggled closer, seeking the touch. As his lips parted, his breath brushed hot and sweet against Douglas’ mouth. Feeling suddenly all mushy inside, Douglas plunged in. God, you never knew with kisses. They could be hard and fast, or sweet and soft, overly exciting, and sometimes boring like a dead fish. Martin and him, they were snogging like teenagers. There was no denying that. Noses bumping, knees grazing, they clung to each other, touching, biting, gloriously exploring all around. 

“God yes, Douglas, please!” Martin gasped, heart racing fast against him, as Douglas pushed them deeper into the cushions, one hand roaming freely until he felt the bulge in Martin’s pants. “Oooh, y-yes!” The man practically moulded into Douglas’ tender touch. Rubbing against him, eager, so very eager. 

He must have done it before. Suddenly, the unbidden and unwanted thought flashed through Douglas’ lust-addled brain. He blinked, caught his breath and captured the lovely mouth again, now shivering. In no way was this Martin’s first kiss; not that kissing was all about technique. “M-Martin,” Douglas moaned, incoherent for once, while silently pondering with whom the captain had shared those kisses. Whom had taken him this far and then . . . not? 

“Douglas? Are you alright?” Dizzily Douglas opened his eyes, his sluggish gaze sweeping over the familiar picture of his lounge, the flickering glow of the candles being reflected by the half-empty glass of wine. When he tilted his head, Martin was staring up at him, his reddened lips parted, eyes wide with insecurity. Since Douglas apparently had stopped. 

“Yes . . . yes, come here,” Douglas shushed reflexively, tangling soothing fingers in Martin’s soft curls, mussing them up. God, he needed to get a grip on himself, and quickly. Everything was going so well. He mustn’t stop now. Martin’s previous lovers – what were they to him? No, nothing else mattered but the young man in his arms. 

Cooler now, Douglas resumed pressing soft kisses on Martin’s lips and was instantly rewarded when the other man wrapped his arms snugly around him. Playfully he picked at the hem of Martin’s shirt, plucked it from his trousers, though avoiding touching his crotch this time. Oh yes, he liked the little gasps his captain was uttering as he reached smooth skin. Slowly, ever so slowly Douglas let his hands glide upwards, drawing little lines with his fingers, until he could feel the sensitive nipples.

He imagined waking up with him. 

Douglas halted, again, quelling the forbidden thought. Tonight was most definitely not about him! They had a deal, and Douglas would follow it through, no strings attached. It was obvious that Martin was in desperate need of a friend, and he deserved nothing less. Douglas breathed a deep sigh. So why did he feel oddly selfish when lastly he took his captain’s hand and asked, “Do you mind going upstairs?” 

Martin swallowed, squinted up at him. He was holding Douglas’ gaze for a moment, before his face broke into a shy smile. “Yes, please.”


	3. Chapter 3

They walked up to the bedroom in silence. Douglas had taken Martin’s hand, their fingers entwined, leading him gently out of the lounge and up the stairs. Moonlight was filtering in through the fanlight above the front door, the only sound being the soft padding of their feet. From time to time, Douglas squinted at the young man beside him. He thought that Martin’s breathing had gone a bit shallow – whether from excitement or from nerves he couldn’t tell – and squeezed his hand reassuringly.

In the doorway, Douglas released him and quickly crossed the room to draw the curtains. He turned the bedside light on. When he looked up, he found that the captain was undressing, folding his clothes methodically before placing them on the very stool he had cleared for him during his preparations this morning. Douglas swallowed hard at the sight of milk-white skin, illuminated rather flatteringly by the warm glow of the lamp. With a few steps he was by Martin’s side again.

“Hello, beautiful.” Softly he enveloped him from behind and pulled him back against his chest, nuzzling the crook of his neck. Ah, his scent was becoming familiar. When Martin didn’t react much to his overture, Douglas stepped closer still, playfully nudging him with his cock – he had been hard since the kissing had started. Was it just him, or did the captain stiffen at his touch? Douglas halted, confused. Was this little show of affection already too much for Martin? On the sofa he hadn’t seemed so shy. 

“D-Douglas, it’s fine,” Martin mumbled now, fiddling with his trousers. “I just need some time to get– “ 

But Douglas had already let go. He brushed a light kiss onto the smooth skin at the bottom of Martin’s nape, inhaling the lovely scent, and then stepped back to give him some room. He could imagine that it wasn’t easy getting naked like this in front of a mere friend.

Unbuttoning his shirt, Douglas noted for the first time how tense Martin actually looked, the tendons in his neck all taut and strained. He was itching to wrap his arms around him and kiss the tension away, even though he knew it was futile. Touching Martin now would get him all the more worked up. But maybe there was something else he could do to help. Some more wine perhaps. “Martin?” Douglas ventured softly.

“Douglas, do you mind turning off the light?” Martin returned without looking at him.

“Ah, you prefer it in the dark,” Douglas quipped, inwardly flinching at the edge in Martin’s voice. If this were for real, he would’ve loved to have good look first, to help him undress. But it was for real – the naked truth hit Douglas with a punch to his stomach, making him feel cold all over. What was more, it was Martin’s first time. And wasn’t it up to him to make it easy for him, Douglas thought shakily, rather than overwhelming the poor guy with his own desires?

Soft-footed he edged around the bed towards the light. A gentle click, and the room was covered in darkness. From behind Douglas could make out the faint rustling of someone sliding quietly under the covers. When his eyes had adjusted to the blackness, he saw that Martin was already lying under the duvet, waiting, eyes fixed firmly onto the ceiling. He seemed so forlorn and vulnerable alone in the big bed that Douglas’ heart ached. In one fluid movement he got rid of his remaining socks and trousers, not caring about the mess he made. 

The mattress dipped under the weight of his big body, an untoward reminder that he had gone a bit soft around the middle. Was that the reason why Martin . . . no, Douglas put the thought firmly out of his mind. At the motion, Martin turned his head. Douglas nodded once in what he hoped was a calming way, meeting his wide eyes with a steady gaze. Nevertheless he was shivering as he reached out under the duvet and gently gathered the young man in his arms. 

For a moment, neither man was moving as they lay next to each other, Martin’s naked body tucked firmly against Douglas’ side. A fine sheen of sweat was covering the captain’s chest and his heart was beating fast. But thankfully his prick was still hard. “Martin, are you okay?” Douglas asked quietly.

Martin nodded, rubbing his head against Douglas’ shoulder in response. Smiling Douglas took his hand and ran his fingers lightly over the soft skin of his wrist. Back and forth, back and forth, until he felt an answering shiver. Humming contentedly, Douglas placed Martin’s hand on his hip and wrapped his arms around him to pull him into a soft kiss.

“Douglas . . . yes!“ As on cue, Martin launched at him, rolling himself on top of Douglas, all sharp angles and limbs. He began kissing fervently, just like down in the lounge, his hips rocking hard against Douglas’ thigh.

“Shh, Martin. Come on, we don’t need to rush.” Calmingly Douglas stroked Martin’s quivering sides, trying to slow him down a bit. As much as he liked a good tumble in bed, tonight he would rather take his time, for both their sakes. Because Douglas loved to explore, see what his partner’s reactions were, what they liked and what left them cold. With Martin this might be his only chance.

But the captain wasn’t in a state to notice. If it was genuine desire, or just plain old nerves – his lovely mouth never seemed to leave Douglas alone, the warm wet tongue flickering in an out as if daring him to stop. Douglas felt his resistance crumbling with every touch, every kiss of the moist lips. Maybe it would be best to let Martin lead – it was his big night after all – and with a sigh Douglas laid back and gave himself up to the sensation. 

They were both sweating now. Douglas was dipping his tongue playfully in Martin’s collarbone, relishing the salty taste, while he was working one hand between his legs, the other one running soothingly over the taut muscles of his back. The boy still felt awfully tense. However, every time Douglas tried to stop, or even just lingered for the tiniest bit, Martin caught his mouth again, urged him on, almost as if to prove something, until they were a mere tangle of nervous breath and limbs.

There seemed to be no point in waiting – Martin obviously wanted it. Douglas sucked in a deep breath, automatically resuming the caressing. Wanted to get it over with more likely, a tiny voice suggested. Douglas firmly shut it up with another kiss of the sweet mouth he had come to cherish so much. Because getting it over with was exactly why they were here.

Softly he pulled Martin closer, and then rolled him over so that he was lying on top of him, their bodies pressed together. Douglas halted, heart pounding, as he breathed him in. Part of him still couldn’t believe what they were about to do and he wondered if Martin felt the same. God, he just hoped that he could make it good for him. 

Resting some of his weight on his forearms, he began soothing Martin with little kisses. One on the mouth, another on his neck, even a playful nip at the nipples. Now that they were starting for real, Martin was getting calmer, staring up at him with shining eyes. Gently Douglas petted his sides and then moved on to the lower belly, where the fine hair was standing upright. He cupped his balls, rolled them tenderly in one hand, until he heard his breath hitch with pleasure. 

He reached for Martin’s cock. Slowly stroking it to hardness. Once more Douglas showered him with kisses. 

But despite everything he tried, every trick he pulled out of the bag, in the end it felt almost clinical as Douglas opened the bedside drawer, reached for the lube and began preparing Martin’s quivering hole. Fingering him felt far too intimate, even if they were such good friends and Martin trusted him with this.

Much too early they were ready. The condom closed around his cock with a pop. Quickly and efficiently Douglas coated it in a generous amount of lube. Martin had gone very still, his head coyly turned to the side. However, when Douglas carefully heaved himself up, Martin lifted his legs readily, albeit shakily, to let him in. Douglas lined up and positioned his cock. Before he pushed, he searched Martin’s eyes for any sign of hesitation. The man just nodded, his lips pressed together into a thin line.

Douglas moved forward, nudged gently. Nothing. Had he been too timid? He concentrated, pressed harder and the blunt cock head went in a tiny bit. Martin was hissing softly, then swallowed hard, his fingers dugging deep into the sheets. He rocked his hips in answer. 

So Douglas pushed. Yes, that felt better. Steadily he was easing in. 

“Ouch!” Martin gasped.


	4. Chapter 4

With dread Douglas watched Martin clamping his mouth shut. A chill settled across his chest. What in the world had he done? 

He tried to crawl away, shaking. But Martin grabbed his arms first. They were wrestling briefly, Martin desperately trying to hold Douglas in place, while he was lifting his bum in the general direction of the other man’s cock. “P-Please, it’s nothing. Y-You took me by surprise, that’s all. I’ve waited for so long . . . go on, please . . .”

Martin’s smile was cutting through the darkness, heartbreakingly brave, as he was urging him to carry on. Douglas felt himself breaking in a cold sweat. God, this was sick, and he should never have agreed to do this. It had to stop.

Ignoring Martin’s wounded look, Douglas rolled over to his side and slumped onto the mattress. With trembling fingers he removed the useless condom from his cock and shoved it next to the torn wrapper on the bedside table. He took a deep breath, wiped his sticky fingers on the white sheet. What an old fool he had been. The food, the candles, the little trip up the stairs hand in hand – their whole date had felt like dream, or at least like a very healthy beginning. As if actually something good might come of it.

Next to him, Martin was lying curled into himself, his whole posture radiating defeat. Douglas swallowed hard, a surge of guilt threatening to overcome him. Martin had trusted him with this. Why for heavens sake hadn’t he realised that he was in pain?

Heart pounding in his chest, Douglas carefully slid over. He extended a hand. “Martin, listen to me–“ he whispered, helplessly stroking the man’s rigid body. “I’m so sorry. It’s not your fault. This . . . this was a bad idea. It will be . . . better with someone you really like. Not a random old chap like me,” he joked half-heartedly. 

An uneasy silence stretched between them. “I-Is that the reason you don’t want me? You . . . you don’t like me enough for s-simple sex?” Martin choked. “God, it can’t be fun with a 35-year-old virgin.”

“No, I’d love to sleep–“ Douglas stopped himself at the last moment. The desperation in Martin’s voice went straight to his heart. He edged a little closer and without thinking wrapped his arms around him until he was spooning him from behind. Douglas prayed that Martin wouldn’t object to touching skin to skin. “Martin, please believe me this isn’t right. You should enjoy it,” he said pleadingly. “Having sex isn’t something to get over with!” 

The captain’s answer was swallowed by the pillow.

“There is nothing you need to prove,” Douglas carried on urgently. “Sex . . . well . . . it’s universal. It’s not really about technique. In the end, it doesn’t matter how often you have done it.” On the spur of the moment, he brushed a little kiss next to Martin’s ear.

Martin relaxed just a fraction, and Douglas breathed a silent sigh of relief. After a while, he twisted in Douglas’ hold and rolled onto his back, nestling his head on Douglas’ shoulder. “I bet you haven’t waited so long.” 

“No, I haven’t.” Douglas cocked his head, steadily meeting Martin’s gaze in the darkness. There was no point quibbling. “And it’s a good thing, too, because I always liked it.” 

Martin nodded mutely, his Adam’s apple jumping up and down his throat.

Douglas decided it was now or never. “Why are you, by the way? A 35-year-old virgin?”

Startled Martin looked up, and Douglas could feel him tensing all over again. “Well . . . erm . . . it just happened, I guess.” His eyes were blinking rapidly.

“Hmm . . . that can’t have been easy for you.” Douglas tried for a soothing tone. It wasn’t just idle curiosity either. Martin didn’t strike him as particularly shy once he got going. There had to be a reason for his abstinence.

“Well, at first in school . . .” Martin’s low voice shook him out of his musings. “When everyone started talking about girls, I had no idea what the fuzz was all about. God, no wonder.” He laughed sourly, but Douglas had the feeling that it came as a relief to him to finally have it out.

“It didn’t matter anyway,” Martin continued softly. “F-Flying was much more interesting. I mean there was always something more pressing . . . applying to flight school, taking lessons, and working . . . always working. I simply hadn’t time for . . . for other things. Or at least that’s what I told myself. And p-people didn’t seem to like me anyway.” He lapsed into silence.

“Did they not? Oh, Martin.” On impulse Douglas reached out and dropped a soft kiss on top of the ginger curls.

Martin snuggled closer against Douglas’ chest. “They actually made fun of me,” he admitted faintly.

Instinctively Douglas tightened his hold, an unexpected surge of anger towards the unbeknownst classmates flashing through him. With a sinking feeling he thought of all the times _he_ had made fun of his captain. The man seemed to invite it. However, Douglas believed that his teasing had always been conducted in a mildly affectionate way. Or even more than affection as he realised now. His feelings tonight . . . that wasn’t just caring for a friend.

“So, I thought once I got my license, everything would be better,” Martin sighed. “But it took me seven times! And then – against all odds – I became captain at thirty-two. But it was for MJN–“ 

“It didn’t play out as you hoped.” Douglas suggested gently. He carded his fingers through the fine hair at the nape of Martin’s neck, smiling to himself as the man leaned readily into his touch. He had never seen the captain so open and pliable. 

Martin swallowed. “When I was 25, it wasn’t so bad having no one. A lot of my mates hadn’t. But then I turned 30, still a virgin, without license and living in an attic.” He gave a short, bitter laugh. “And with each passing year it got harder. Y-You begin to pretend. You watch porn, not because you want to, but to know what’s what. In conversation, you learn to laugh at the right places. Because being a virgin over 30 is pathetic and no one must ever know.” There was a long pause. 

“You could have fooled me,” Douglas said softly.

“What?” Martin gasped. “What do you mean?”

“Well–” Douglas took a deep breath, “at first I thought you cared about women.” 

Martin made a snorting noise at that.

“See, I kept thinking that you were just asking the wrong ones. The pretentious ones, like that snotty pilot from Air Caledonia.” Douglas clarified, never ceasing the caressing. “You are a fine young man, Martin. You just need to meet the right person, preferably one who shares your passions.” 

“Me? Fine?” There was another snorting noise, and Martin shook his head in disbelief.

But Douglas wasn’t fooled. He could sense that Martin was listening to him. “You don’t need to be perfect to . . . to be in a relationship. There will always be someone who finds your little quirks endearing. Women do that, you know. Even some men. You wouldn’t believe what people put up with, when they think you are cute. When they think they want you.” 

“But, nobody has ever–” Martin was shifting nervously on his back. 

“As I said,” Douglas went on, stressing his point. “Sex shouldn’t be a burden. It’s about two people. It’s not gay or straight, captain or not. There will always be people who like you just because of your accomplishments. But these aren’t the right ones anyway.”

“Ha, that’s a bit thick coming from you,” Martin muttered. 

“Well, I should know at least,” Douglas returned evenly. Martin was right, of course, his own track record in finding soul mates wasn’t great. Aloud he said, “Sex – it is about feelings, lust, passion, or . . . fun. And the question is: Do you want this? Do you want to be with someone?” 

Martin swallowed. ”Yes . . . yes I think I do. Very much so.”

“Look at those kisses,” Douglas probed gently. “Down in the lounge, you knew what you were doing then.”

“Oh.” Martin blushed, even visible in the darkness.

“And I asked myself with whom had Martin shared such kisses?” While talking, Douglas had hoisted himself up on one arm. Now he was leaning over Martin, searching his face, the clear eyes, his parted lips. Despite himself, he held his breath. 

“You’re right,” Martin murmured, almost inaudible. “There has been someone else.”


	5. Chapter 5

Douglas flinched. Martin’s softly uttered words let his insides freeze. So he had been right all along. There was someone else – a real lover no less – who actually held Martin’s affections, and this . . . this farce was just wrong. Losing your virginity with your best friend – what the hell? For an agonising moment, Douglas wanted nothing more than to put on his clothes and walk out, like he had done many times before.

One look at Martin told him, though, that this wasn’t possible. He had invited him to his house, had promised him to take care of things, and even if they weren’t going to have sex any time soon, he just couldn’t leave him like that. 

And it seemed that Martin was oblivious to the storm brewing anyway. When Douglas, unsettled by the revelation, had flopped onto his back, Martin rolled over immediately, like some lost puppy, and snuggled into him. With a silent sigh, Douglas tugged the captain’s warm body closer to his chest. It was he after all who had encouraged him to open up in the first place. “Care to tell me about your mystery man?” he asked softly.

After a moment of hesitation, Martin nodded. “Do you remember the other Martin, the one Arthur calls Paramount?” 

“What that lousy actor! Doesn’t he have a family and kids?” Douglas barked, mentally running through everything he knew about the man. He remembered a somewhat dull, conventionally good-looking chap. Damn, of all people Martin could fall for. Didn’t he understand that even Douglas was a better actor, and a real pilot at that? 

“No! I mean yes, he has. I met his kids once. They’re lovely. And he is definitely not gay!” Martin’s voice pitched in his hurry to explain. “But, well, sometimes we go to the pub for a pint of bitter. And it’s . . . it’s actually quite fun.” He paused, absently drawing little circles on Douglas’ chest with his fingertips.

Douglas’ heart flipped oddly at the intimacy of the small gesture. Despite himself he was becoming intrigued. Martin and fun was an unlikely combination – at least when they were outside the vicinity of an aircraft. Like he had said, mostly he was being made fun of.

“We’re both unemployed, sort of, in our true profession.” Martin shrugged before continuing. “But Paramount Martin jokes about it, and sometimes he does impressions of people he meets at castings. We have a laugh and somehow everything feels easier. M-My life.”

“Martin– ” Douglas swallowed. There was big lump forming in his stomach. Because when _they_ were going out, be it a bar or a quick dinner during layovers, the mood felt quite different. Martin seemed to be on guard mostly, always on the verge of getting himself wrought up over nothing. 

“One evening, there was this other guy . . . um you know it’s actually much easier talking to strangers when Martin is around,” he admitted sheepishly and Douglas felt another pang of envy. Martin in good spirits was such a rare sight.

“So there is this bloke, awfully cute. Well, Martin told him right away that I was gay, and everything seemed easy . . .” 

“But why haven’t you done anything about it? Didn’t you like him?” Douglas burst out, head spinning. What Martin described sounded like the perfect night out – a nice pub, a good friend, a prospective lover. So what was Martin’s problem? And what was he doing here, curling up in Douglas’ arms as if he belonged there?

“No, he was very n-nice.” Martin blushed. “His name is Michael, Mike really, like in the phonetics alphabet. And so I-I told him he was a good fit for a pilot.” 

“I bet he liked that,” Douglas huffed, though he couldn’t help smiling fondly. 

“Yes, um he actually did. He thinks I’m sweet,” Martin swallowed hard. “And he’s short like me, a bit more soft around the middle. Paramount Martin said we hit it off right away. One thing let to the other. Mike put his arm around me . . . as if it were nothing. His lips were so very soft, almost like y–” He broke off.

Douglas closed his eyes, his insides churning. “So, Martin and Mike. A great fit.” He exhaled slowly. 

”But the point is, it didn’t work out,” Martin whispered urgently. “I-I couldn’t do it. That evening he asked me to go to his place. And when I said no, because, well, I had to stay in hours, he asked if I’d like to come to dinner instead. So I went – for s-several times. We always made out on the sofa. Kissing mostly, with his hand rubbing my . . . thigh. And it felt good. You can’t believe how good . . . after all this time.” Martin halted, shaking. Instinctively Douglas tightened his hold. 

Martin cleared his throat. “After a while, I realised that I didn’t want to . . . you know sleep with him. K-Kissing was great but, sex, it didn’t ring true . . . getting all naked with a stranger. I’d never done anything like this before . . .”

“You were too self-conscious because it was your first time,” Douglas finished tonelessly. 

He hadn’t felt used the entire time, even though Martin had seemed to be afraid of just that. Not when Martin had asked him, nor when he had planned the evening in loving detail. But now, lying together naked in his very own bed, in his home, holding each other – he felt something shattering deep inside him. “Martin, I fully understand,” he ground out. “You need a test drive beforehand. Trying it out with someone you could trust . . .”

“No, no! It’s nothing like that!” Martin interjected, squirming. “It just felt . . . I felt the first time should matter.” Restlessly he rubbed his head against Douglas’ shoulder, one hand reaching out for him, entwining their fingers.

“But you’re here with me! Ticking a box before your real first time!” Douglas exclaimed. He would never have believed that Martin would do this to him. He should have known right from the start that the deal was fishy. People in their right mind just didn’t do this kind of thing.

“Look, Martin,” he stated, outwardly calm. “It seems to me that you and Mike had a real good thing there. And what is more, he was willing to wait. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are a good catch. And I’m sure your . . . your Mike thinks so, too. Just take your heart in hand and risk something!” 

Throat dry, Douglas slumped back, thoroughly drained by his own speech. God, this was the worst pep talk he’d ever given. He just hoped that Martin could take a hint and leave. 

But as usual the captain didn’t budge. If possible he was clinging harder, suddenly leaning in and cutting off Douglas’ protestations with a soft kiss. “No, no. You don’t understand,” Martin whispered urgently. ”I’m here with _you_ , because I want to.” 

“What do you mean?” Douglas croaked. For all his clumsiness, Martin’s lips were sliding smoothly against his. It was lovely and it made his heart ache.

Martin stilled, then he burst out, “Please Douglas, just this one time, I want to be with the man I love!”


	6. Chapter 6

“Love–“ Douglas choked, incoherent for once. He felt a huge wave of heat forming in his gut, spreading to his face, his ears, his fingers, right down to the tips of his toes. He seemed to have difficulty breathing.

Martin had gone very still in his arms. With an odd sense of detachment, Douglas realised that he must be waiting for his answer. Did he love him, too? True, they were together here now. But what did tonight’s strange encounter really mean to him? All their kissing, fumbling, confessions in the dark – was it mere friendship or were they on the cusp to something else entirely?

“Martin?“ Douglas began afresh, his own voice sounding raspy in his ears. 

Then, forgoing talk, he cradled Martin in his arms, just needing to hold him for a while. His heart was racing, while his thoughts were ricocheting through his mind. So, what did he want? And what could he expect? Martin was literally a virgin. Apart from his basic need of being with someone, loving someone – did he even know what he wanted? Douglas suspected not and it left him all weak inside. 

After Helena, it had been bad, almost worse than the other times. Not that he had been desperately in love. That wasn’t his way – or so he thought. Nor was it for the fact that his rival was indeed younger and fitter than him. Though that had hurt, too. However, what he really couldn’t deal with was his life spiralling out of control again.

That was why Douglas preferred experienced partners. People who were self-confident and knew what they wanted, just like Helena. It made it easier staying on top of the game, distancing oneself a bit. Good Lord, they were nothing like Martin with all his raw need.

But Helena had severed their marriage bond as cleanly and swiftly as their whirlwind romance had started. It left him with a house too big for himself, an assortment of beige coloured sofas and a general dislike for tai chi. She didn’t even make a fuss about money, as if she’d never truly cared. Douglas breathed in deeply, blood pounding in his ears. Better not to dwell on that.

It was a good thing that Martin had been there, or rather the whole crew of MJN. Somehow, it made all the difference working among friends, so unlike Air England with its impersonal roster and interchangeable faces, which had let to his ultimate downfall back then. He even took comfort in Martin’s constant fretting over the simplest things. No matter what, the captain had always a form to fill, some rule to follow – which was in Douglas’ opinion just another way of saying that things still mattered to him, that he didn’t give up.

Next Martin had insisted on landing G-ERTI on one engine. That night in Russia Douglas had realised with aching clarity to what extend he’d come to trust him, in fact trusted him with his life. With sudden urgency, he buried his nose in the mop of ginger curls. He drew a shuddering breath. Also, Martin felt so good lying in his arms. Douglas could go on and on stroking him, kissing him . . . loving him for all the time in the world. 

God, he was falling for him and he was falling free. 

Was it really necessary to know where it all ended? Trusting somebody, breaching the unknown together – wasn’t that what love was all about? Douglas felt a shiver running through him, this time hot with excitement. “Come here, ” he whispered. “My stupid, stupid boy.”

“Douglas–“ With something akin to a sob, Martin flung his arms around him. He was holding on tight, as if he knew what Douglas was trying to tell him, but couldn’t say out loud. 

“About tonight . . .” Douglas queried, his heart beating fast at the exhilarating feel of Martin’s warm body wrapped around him. “Our deal . . . was it merely a roundabout way of telling me that you liked me? Because if that is true . . . it was a hell of a scheme!” 

“No, no! No scheme!” Martin stammered, flushing.

Douglas nodded. Oddly, Martin didn’t need to say any more. He could picture him so clearly in his mind. Brooding lonely and desperate in his attic, possibly freezing, eventually coming up with something that probably had sounded good in his head . . .

“There would have been easier ways you know,” Douglas murmured, only half-jokingly. “Like going to a bar and putting your arm around me. Or, more conventionally, take me out to dinner. Maybe rubbing my thigh a bit. I might have liked that.”

“Douglas!” Martin exclaimed, embarrassed. He was squirming in his arms, so very endearing.

Douglas was beginning to feel light-headed. “Martin, tell me, do you want this? Do you really want to do this?”

“Yes, yes!” Martin’s lips were searching for his, hungry and open. 

Suddenly dizzy with need, Douglas grappled Martin’s shoulders and flipped him over, lowering himself onto his body. Martin loved him, and so he could kiss him, touch him, all the way he liked. Douglas didn’t need to hold back any longer. And damn it, he felt too young to wind up as a hermit. 

Breathing heavily, he let his hands roam over Martin’s chest, down his sides, fingertips ghosting over fine hair and damp skin. After a moment of relishing the feel, he began sliding down, where the hair got coarser and the scent muskier. Douglas paused, licking his lips. Martin’s prick was standing proudly erect. Quickly he looked up, making eye contact.

Then Douglas leant in, closing his mouth around Martin’s hard cock, and swallowed it whole.


	7. Chapter 7

“Douglas!” Martin yelped, his voice a strange little mewl. 

Wet heat engulfed him and Martin screwed his eyes shut. Lying together on the soft mattress, Douglas’ mouth on his prick, clutching at the already rumpled sheets, all that felt so unbelievably good. Also, he had told Douglas that he loved him and . . . and Douglas had called him stupid. But this didn’t feel stupid at all. He simply couldn’t think anymore. Douglas’ mouth was doing funny things to his brain. 

“Oh, God . . .” Martin bit back a moan as Douglas swirled his tongue around his tip, teasing. He would never have imagined that giving a blowjob would involve this much technique. But Martin quickly realised that, as in many things, Douglas was an expert. And generous, too.

This whole evening, the food, the wine, the kissing, and then later on touching him, preparing him – it wasn’t Douglas’ fault that Martin had been too nervous to appreciate it. He had wanted him so much . . . wanted him now. He had never intended to use him.

In a sudden surge of longing, Martin reached out and slid his hands through Douglas’ fine hair, letting the strands run through his fingertips. The man hummed in appreciation and for a brief moment Douglas pulled back and looked up at him, eyes twinkling. 

Martin’s heart flipped at the sight of joy on Douglas’ face and breathlessly he grinned back. Douglas smirked and swallowed his cock again, the lush lips perfectly fitting around the shaft, gliding up and down. 

He was using his hands too, cupping Martin’s balls, as if they were the most precious things in the world. All he had to do was lie back and enjoy. Much better than doing it all by himself, alone in his attic, every movement unexpected, exhilarating . . .

“Douglas, wait!” Martin panted. He was so close. He couldn’t hold back any longer. But he didn’t want to come like that, simply being pleasured. It wasn’t enough – it was his first time! 

Douglas glanced up. “Hush, Martin,” he purred. “Let me take care of you.” 

“No, no! You don’t understand.” Martin’s heart was speeding up at an alarming rate. He had pictured this evening for so long. “I want . . . both of us together!”

“Yes?” Douglas prompted, still smiling beautifully. One hand was rubbing Martin’s thigh, while the other one was playing with his balls.

Suddenly shy, Martin looked away. “I want to try it again. I want to sleep with you.” 

“Ah.” Douglas’ hand stilled. They were probably thinking about the same thing – the complete mess Martin had made of it earlier, causing Douglas to stop. “Martin, you don’t need to do that. We can take it slowly.“ His voice sounded almost pleading.

“But would you like it? And not because of some stupid deal?”

“Yes, I would like it, very much so . . . you know that.” Douglas slid up to him through the darkness. Next Martin could feel his arms wrapping around him and with a sigh he snuggled into his soft embrace as Douglas pulled him close. For a moment, they were just lying that, their naked bodies entwined, basking in each other’s warmth. 

“Hmm, this it what you want? Me inside you?” Douglas whispered, hot breath brushing against Martin’s cheek. 

“Yes–” Martin rasped. Talking about sex made it feel all too real. What if this was a huge mistake? Unbidden pictures of him hiding in his attic room flickered through his brain. He would apologise to Douglas, throw on his clothes and forget about the whole thing. But he had stalled for all his life. If he blew it off now, he would never forgive himself. 

Heart in his mouth, Martin disentangled himself from Douglas’ seductive hold and slowly, deliberately turned onto his belly, shyly pulling the man with him. He took a deep breath, waiting. This was something he had fantasised about – being taken from behind. 

“Martin, are you okay?” Douglas asked again, echoing his thoughts. He wriggled closer, slinging a leg over. 

“God, yes,” Martin shifted. Was this Douglas’ hard prick nestling in the crack of his arse? An electric shiver ran through him. They were so close already, well prepared. Surely it would be no big deal . . . Douglas entering him. People did that all the time.

“Martin, are you sure? Because–”

“Yes.” Martin concentrated hard on the throbbing of his cock pressed into the sheets, the sweet tingling in his arse. “Yes.”

“Wait . . . just a second.” The mattress dipped and for a moment Martin could feel the loss of warmth as Douglas reached for another condom. His heart skipped. So this was it. Exhaling shakily, he closed his eyes, focussing on the lulling tick-tock of the alarm clock next to him.

“Breathe!” Douglas was moving slowly, gently. A feather light touch brushing the fine hair at small of his back. 

Martin swallowed. They had done this earlier, missionary style, but it was obvious that Douglas liked to take his time nevertheless. His slicked fingers slid down Martin’s crevice, where the puckered hole lay. Tentatively he circled it, and then, growing bolder, breached the little ring of muscle with his thump. It still freaked Martin out, but much less so, now that he could bury his head safely in the pillow. 

“Oh, God–” In and out Douglas’ fingers slipped, stretching and spreading. Flushed Martin found himself bucking around him, his hole slick and soft. However, Douglas seemed to have all the time in the world. Maybe it was because he was indulging in something he particularly liked, or he was still afraid to hurt him.

“Douglas . . . now,” Martin whimpered, surprised how small his own voice sounded. 

“Hush, darling.” Douglas dropped a light kiss on Martin’s nape. Carefully he looped one arm around his middle, lifted him up. It made Martin go all warm and happy inside, being held this close. Douglas’ cock was nudging against his entrance. He gasped. Though he was slick and relaxed, he was still resisting.

Panic welling up, Martin broke into a sweat. What if he screwed this up again? He grabbed the sheets, willing himself to unclench. “Shh, trust me.” Douglas had stopped at the first signs of discomfort, but now he was gently pushing forward. Pain flared . . . but almost deliciously so. Shaking, Martin could feel himself giving way, opening up like some exotic flower.

Both of them were breathing heavily now. Douglas paused, again, as they waited for Martin’s body to adjust around his cock, oddly suspended mid-motion. So this was it like being fucked, Martin thought reverently. He had never felt this close to anyone, or this full. 

“Relax, it will get better.” Douglas rubbed soothingly up and down his thighs. He started rocking gently. “Hmmm, just like that.” His dark voice was warm and tender. Martin braced himself against the mattress. He pushed back experimentally. Yes, Douglas was right. Even though he was still awkwardly stretched, moving got easier with each thrust, the pain being replaced by something new. . . electrifying. 

Martin nearly laughed out loud when Douglas’ cock was finally sliding free, joy bubbling up. He had done it. He had dared. 

“More,” Martin pleaded. Douglas held him in place with one hand, the other splayed across his back as he sank into him, again and again. It felt weird still, being intruded like this, totally different from what he had expected. But also good and close and right. Blindly Martin grabbed for the pillow to steady himself, realising with wonder that they were together now.

Douglas wound a hand underneath his body. Martin groaned as his fingers closed around his leaking cock. He jerked forward, knees buckling, seeking the friction. God, yes, that was it. Douglas belonged here. Belonged into him.

The orgasm came out of nowhere. Waves of pleasure were rippling through him, sweeping him away, and all Martin could think of was Douglas thrusting into him. And Douglas didn’t cease. Sensing his need . . . which was his own, he pumped into him as he cried out his own release.

They collapsed onto the bed, trembling and spent. Martin found himself buried half-way under Douglas, his mouth pressed unceremoniously into the sheets, which felt rather sticky beneath him. Dazed he realised that he didn’t care much. “That was . . .” he panted.

“Yes . . .” Douglas replied, still catching his breath.

Martin exhaled shakily. Douglas’ heavy weight above him felt oddly reassuring. To be this close to another human body. Why hadn’t he done this before? He only knew that he didn’t want to leave this bed – leave Douglas – for a very long time. “That was my best birthday ever!” he repeated with emphasis. 

“Hmm.” Douglas softly petted Martin’s shoulder blades, his neck, then tangled his fingers in his curls. “What about a belated birthday dinner, tomorrow?” he asked. “Make a fresh start.”

“Oh, yes. That would be . . . Well, I’m free tomorrow and . . .” Martin snapped his mouth shut. A date, an old fashioned date, with the man he loved. With whom he’d just had sex with, literally the best sex ever. It sounded too good to be true. But did Douglas really love him? Martin closed his eyes, feeling hopeful and nervous and giddy all at once.

He wormed himself out from under Douglas’ body, turned around and wrapped his arms around the man’s neck. Douglas had been patient and kind. Amazed Martin looked up at him and searched his intelligent eyes, finding nothing but warmth in there. He leaned in for a kiss. Douglas’ lips were soft and gentle. “Dinner tomorrow?” Martin breathed.

“Dinner it is,” Douglas smiled. 

The End


End file.
